FRANKLY SPICY by EFFKAY

Well, butter my toasted buns and call me a Buddha! The saga of Ram Bahadur Bomjan, Nepal’s very own “Buddha Boy,” has reached a spicy climax, and it’s not the sort of zen-like enlightenment you’d expect. Instead, it’s more like a soggy soufflé that’s caved in on itself.

Back in 2005, Ram Bahadur Bomjan burst onto the scene like a piping hot samosa straight from the fryer.

He was sitting under a tree in southern Nepal, doing his best impression of Siddhartha Gautama, the original Buddha, and some folks started thinking he was the real deal reincarnated.

That’s how it went – one minute you’re meditating under a tree, the next you’re the star ingredient in a spiritual feast.

But alas, the recipe for Bomjan’s fame had more than a few rotten eggs. Fast forward to the present day, and he’s been sentenced to a 10-year prison term for sexually assaulting a minor. I mean, if this were a curry, it would be the kind that leaves a bad taste in your mouth and an unpleasant burn on the way out.

The Sarlahi District Court in southern Nepal handed down the sentence and slapped him with a $3,700 fine to compensate the victim. That’s almost 5 lakhs in Nepal Rupees! Not quite the karma one might expect for a supposed Buddha reincarnation, eh? He’s got 70 days to appeal, which in legal terms is like trying to get a soggy naan to crisp up again – possible, but not very likely.

Police nabbed him in January in Kathmandu, where he was found lounging with a stash of cash worthy of a Netflix Netscapade! We’re talking Nepalese banknotes worth some thirty crores and another $23,000 in foreign currencies. Quite the treasure chest for someone preaching about detachment and simplicity. I pity his simple followers! It’s like finding out your favourite vegan café secretly serves bacon on the side.

A lot of those who extolled the Boy Buddha’s frugality, must have felt decidedly sheepish! No use crying ‘wolf’ at this late hour.

And as if the sexual assault charges weren’t enough to make your miso soup curdle, there’s still the matter of his missing followers. Four of them, to be exact. They vanished like a puff of smoke from an overcooked tikka, and those cases are still pending trial. I suppose when you mix spiritual leadership with a touch of the nefarious, you get a recipe for disaster.

Bomjan’s early days were a different flavour altogether. In 2005, he sat under a tree for months without food or water – or so it seemed – drawing crowds of worshippers and curious onlookers. His camps in southern Nepal still draw thousands, despite his increasingly dubious credentials. It’s a bit like finding out your favourite restaurant has been downgraded to a greasy hole-in-the-wall but still going because of, well, the nostalgia.

Buddhist scholars have always been sceptical of his claims. It’s like a gourmet chef raising an eyebrow at a microwave meal. Sure, it might fill you up, but it’s not quite the same as the real thing, is it?

In the end, the story of Ram Bahadur Bomjan is a cautionary tale – a spiritual stew gone wrong. It’s a reminder that sometimes, even the most promising dishes can turn out to be undercooked, over-spiced, or just plain rotten. So, let’s keep our spiritual palates refined and be wary of false gourmets.

Until next time, keep your chakras aligned and your spices fresh!

READ THE STORY FROM ASSOCIATED PRESS HERE

FRANKLY SPICY BY EFFKAY IS A HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL TAKE ON CURRENT HAPPENINGS! ENJOY!

  bUDDHA BOY, Effkay, humour, naked truth, Satire